one by one

Summer 2009 is slowly coming to an end. I've learned and experienced so much these past 3 months. But I've realized that I feel like I'm losing the people I trusted and cared for. Slowly, but surely. This isn't something to brag about of course, but just when I pick up the just about all the pieces for one, another one breaks.
I've also realized that I suck at showing emotion, or showing affection. Showing the people I love, that I actually care and love them.
I wanted my Junior year to be drama free and just carefree so I could just concentrate on academics. But I guess God had different things in store for me. I'm not complaining about these struggles though; I just don't want to feel the hurt or hardships, but I know through all this, a positive outcome will surely appear. Through these negative experiences, I'll grow through love and understanding. I thought I was mature enough, from everything I've went through. But maybe this is God's way of showing me that He's not quite done. I'm scared for the future hardships and the pain that I'll have to endure. But I know if I put my faith into God, He'll make sure everything turns out fine. "Don't tell God how big your problem is, tell the problem how big God is." These petty worries that I constantly fret about, are just small details of a BIG picture. I'm just focused on one small aspect of this immense picture God has created for me. I need to step back and look at the big picture.
Even though I title each of my friends as ones I can trust and ones I sort of can't, it doesn't matter who I keep close to myself. If I don't keep God as my number 1, the rest won't apply to me at all. I'd rather have God with me and no friends at all than a million friends and no God.
It's a constant struggle, and I can't make someone else fight it for me.

vent vent vent

It's times like these when you know who your true friends are. You can tell everything straight up without worrying if the other person will judge you or not. They advise with choices that would honestly apply to you and answers that are not selfish or self-centered at all. They're the people that can genuinely make you feel SO much better when you feel like ripping your hair out. We're all growing up now; get rid of things that are negative, keep the positive. Why hold onto the useless junk that only wears you down?

Today was a success at a suprise birthday celebration. I was truly suprised. And now I have a colorful and very thoughtful birthday poster hanging up on my wall. From the people I love and the people that love me! And not to mention the Daisy by Marc Jacobs perfume<3

Like: Studying at Borders, Jacuzzi, Hanging out with close friends, In N Out, Daisy by Marc Jacobs, Watching Korean Dramas till Late at Night, Thoughtful People, Understanding People.
Dislike: Cold weather, Pocari Sweat, Mosquito Bites, Inconsiderate Dumbshits, Screwups, Laggy Computers

it's HOTTT

-it's stuffy-ish, but i like the warm breeze at night:)
-i like listening to hilary duff once in a while
-half of summer's already gone
-i think i'm really confused
-i like going back to anc:)
-there are some nasstaaay people in this world
-i ate too much today
-i hate people who can't take a hint
-never say never
-apparently, i have an ocd that the first turn you take should be left.
-i have low battery
-i want to save money
-its 2, and i want to wake up around 7ish tmrw

people.

person#1-I used to go to you for advice all the time, but you've changed so much, I don't know who you are anymore.
person#2-I really miss our friendship. I wish we could go back to how we were. I miss how you were, not what you've become.
person#3-People are getting annoyed of how you act, I hope you realize that before you're left with no more true friends.
person#4-I've done my part in attempting to be a good friend, but you don't accept it. So I'll stop trying, don't tell me our failed friendship is all my fault.
person#5-I truly look up to you, I hope you hold onto your beliefs and opinions and stay strong. I hope you'll stay the leader, not the follower.
person#6-I'm sick of how weak you act. I'm sick of your empty promises. I hate how you're so dependent. Grow Up.

huuuh.

unexpected twists and turns make life interesting.