one by one

Summer 2009 is slowly coming to an end. I've learned and experienced so much these past 3 months. But I've realized that I feel like I'm losing the people I trusted and cared for. Slowly, but surely. This isn't something to brag about of course, but just when I pick up the just about all the pieces for one, another one breaks.
I've also realized that I suck at showing emotion, or showing affection. Showing the people I love, that I actually care and love them.
I wanted my Junior year to be drama free and just carefree so I could just concentrate on academics. But I guess God had different things in store for me. I'm not complaining about these struggles though; I just don't want to feel the hurt or hardships, but I know through all this, a positive outcome will surely appear. Through these negative experiences, I'll grow through love and understanding. I thought I was mature enough, from everything I've went through. But maybe this is God's way of showing me that He's not quite done. I'm scared for the future hardships and the pain that I'll have to endure. But I know if I put my faith into God, He'll make sure everything turns out fine. "Don't tell God how big your problem is, tell the problem how big God is." These petty worries that I constantly fret about, are just small details of a BIG picture. I'm just focused on one small aspect of this immense picture God has created for me. I need to step back and look at the big picture.
Even though I title each of my friends as ones I can trust and ones I sort of can't, it doesn't matter who I keep close to myself. If I don't keep God as my number 1, the rest won't apply to me at all. I'd rather have God with me and no friends at all than a million friends and no God.
It's a constant struggle, and I can't make someone else fight it for me.